SAD
Too many disappointments have been reaped from a sorrow-filled life…
Too many tears I have shed, for a man who called me his wife.
Often I wonder what all this is for,
Why is this load so heavy to bear?
Why am I trying so hard?
It doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
Although I have come a long way,
From the misery of before,
Still I have to wonder,
What am I here for?
PLEASE UNDERSTAND
Please understand:
It wasn’t just the bruises that hurt.
It was the shame,
It was and is the names.
I was sinking,
Still do sometimes…
So low.
I feel I cannot live carrying this knowledge… must relieve it, but…
I don’t know how…
I sink…
I cry, give my soul to all the world.
Few can understand my plight.
Or could back then, either…
No one can fathom…
My psychology…
How helpless I felt .
I could not emotionally survive without him…
I could not save myself…
I turned on myself…
Blamed myself.
Excused him…
At times, how I loved him! Oh it was higher than the sky!
How I hated him, at others…
Then, confusion…
Then,
Vengeful…
Most of all,
Feeling, once more,
self-blame,
at the same time,
as Hate.
A cycle.
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